1) How do you feel about the overall script and why?
2) What are your first impressions of James and Grace's friendship?
3) How do you feel about MissAnonymous13? How could this character be improved?
4) Do you think Grace should have taken MissAnonymous13's advice and agreed to set up a fake account? Explain your reasons.
5) Suggest ways in which the script could be improved.
Above are the five questions I asked five people who have read my 2nd draft script. Each of the five people I asked said that they felt positively about the script and the storyline is relatively easy to follow and therefore more accessible for a range of audiences. As well as this, several people also commented on how the script is interesting and relatable as this TV series addresses common issues (such as online communication and isolation) which my target audience are familiar with.
One of the people who I interviewed felt that Grace and James’s friendship is strained. On the second question, this person said the two characters feel as if they are only friends as they share a social problem – loneliness. The general response to this question was that James seems to be insecure and jealous but we can assume this is because he is very caring and protective towards Grace. They also commented on how this is a snapshot of their friendship and therefore the audience do not see the two characters interacting in a positive way.
Each of the five people said that the character MissAnonymous13 appears sinister and was described as ‘psycho.’ This is the response I wanted as this character is designed to have evil traits. One person said that to improve this character their identity should be hinted at but not revealed: this would make the audience come up with theories and have their own perspective. It was also agreed that MissAnonymous13’s identity should be foreshadowed and perhaps have a twist which would be revealed in the final episode. It was suggested that the audience should be made to feel MissAnonymous13 is a particular character when in fact it turns out to be somebody unexpected.
The overall response for question four is Grace should not have agreed to set up the fake account. We know that MissAnonymous13 is dangerous as she encourages Grace to act out of character and seek revenge. The people who I interviewed said that this character appears uninterested in Grace’s personal life and more concerned with manipulating Grace. There was also comments made that Grace appears oblivious to MissAnonymous13’s scheming which is my aim.
Question five asked people how could my script be improved: the feedback I received related to the layout. Firstly, it was said that it is difficult to differentiate between spoken dialogue and written dialogue (when Grace and MissAnonymous13 are typing.) To improve the font should be changed so this would become clearer. As well as this, when the characters are talking on the internet the dialogue should be shorter as this would make the script more realistic. Another improvement which was suggested was that there should be multiple storylines by adding more characters and locations – this would again make the script more realistic.
Monday 30 November 2015
Tuesday 17 November 2015
Analysis of TV Drama Scripts
The first script I decided to analyse is The Syndicate, Series 3 episode 1.
http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scripts/the-syndicate-s3-ep1.pdf
At the beginning of the script, the location and time of day is identified and the main protagonist Dawn is introduced. The text before the dialogue explains how old she is, her occupation and that she is a mother of two. It also explains the cause of how she wakes up, realizes she is late and leaps out of bed at which point the audience can recognize she is pregnant. The layout is set so that the characters names are in the center of the page and the dialogue is written underneath.
Within the first thirty seconds, two characters are introduced and they are given dialogue. Before their daughter Amy is introduced, the script directs that they are in Scarborough,in Dawn's house and Amy's bedroom. In the third scene, a fourth character is introduced: Noah, Dawn's and Andy's son.
At the top of scene four, Dawn is described by what she is wearing and what she is doing.
The location changes at scene 9: Hazlewood Manor where Dawn and her daughter Amy work. This location is described in detail as being modernized- the kitchen has a light oak table that dominates the room where the food is prepared. We know Hazelwood Manor is going to be a central setting.
The fifth character to be introduced is Sean, followed by the cook Julie and her daughter Sarah. Each of these characters are described by their appearance and their common traits. Lady Hazlewood is described, the reader learns she is Lord Hazlewoods wife and she appears to be false 'false smile'.
On page five Sean and Lady Hazlewood are having a conversation: there are pieces in the script which tells the actors how to feel and what do. For example, when Lady Hazlewood says her son Spencer is looking for him he is directed to look displeased 'Sean's face shows us hes not happy.' The actors are also directed when to change their tone of their voice by the use of brackets before the dialogue '(yells)'.
The second TV drama script I have decided to analyse is The Affair.
https://scriptpipeline.com/the-affair-pilot
This script is quite similar to The Syndicate in the way it is laid out. At the top of the page, the script directs it is part one as the audience will firstly see Noahs side of the story. Noah's appearance is described as well as what he is doing. The text above the dialogue sets the scene, informing readers of what time of year it is. Noah is given directions to 'think' before he types. When this character is typing he is directed to do so by 'He types:'. For the first page of the script there is no dialogue.
A second character is introduced, Helen, Noah's wife shorty before their young daughter cries for Helen's attention. We can see that Stacey is shouting as there is an increase of letters and an exclamation mark used.
At the top of page three, Noah is described packing. A fourth character is then introduced - Martin, Noah's son who is thirteen years old. Also, when the same actor uses dialogue again they are directed to do so by the phrase 'CONT'D'. When the scene is filmed outside the actors are made known to this by the shorthand phrase 'EXT.' However, if the scene is placed in an inside setting the shorthand 'INT.' is used.
After researching two TV drama scripts I can improve mine by identifying the location and time of day at the start of the page. I am going to include background detail of my characters which introduces them as well as setting the scene, I am also going to change the layout of my script by placing all dialogue in the center of the page as this was something I noticed while researching.
As well as this, I need to introduce multiple characters and story lines so that the location is able to switch frequently which will ensure the script is realistic.
http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scripts/the-syndicate-s3-ep1.pdf
At the beginning of the script, the location and time of day is identified and the main protagonist Dawn is introduced. The text before the dialogue explains how old she is, her occupation and that she is a mother of two. It also explains the cause of how she wakes up, realizes she is late and leaps out of bed at which point the audience can recognize she is pregnant. The layout is set so that the characters names are in the center of the page and the dialogue is written underneath.
Within the first thirty seconds, two characters are introduced and they are given dialogue. Before their daughter Amy is introduced, the script directs that they are in Scarborough,in Dawn's house and Amy's bedroom. In the third scene, a fourth character is introduced: Noah, Dawn's and Andy's son.
At the top of scene four, Dawn is described by what she is wearing and what she is doing.
The location changes at scene 9: Hazlewood Manor where Dawn and her daughter Amy work. This location is described in detail as being modernized- the kitchen has a light oak table that dominates the room where the food is prepared. We know Hazelwood Manor is going to be a central setting.
The fifth character to be introduced is Sean, followed by the cook Julie and her daughter Sarah. Each of these characters are described by their appearance and their common traits. Lady Hazlewood is described, the reader learns she is Lord Hazlewoods wife and she appears to be false 'false smile'.
On page five Sean and Lady Hazlewood are having a conversation: there are pieces in the script which tells the actors how to feel and what do. For example, when Lady Hazlewood says her son Spencer is looking for him he is directed to look displeased 'Sean's face shows us hes not happy.' The actors are also directed when to change their tone of their voice by the use of brackets before the dialogue '(yells)'.
The second TV drama script I have decided to analyse is The Affair.
https://scriptpipeline.com/the-affair-pilot
This script is quite similar to The Syndicate in the way it is laid out. At the top of the page, the script directs it is part one as the audience will firstly see Noahs side of the story. Noah's appearance is described as well as what he is doing. The text above the dialogue sets the scene, informing readers of what time of year it is. Noah is given directions to 'think' before he types. When this character is typing he is directed to do so by 'He types:'. For the first page of the script there is no dialogue.
A second character is introduced, Helen, Noah's wife shorty before their young daughter cries for Helen's attention. We can see that Stacey is shouting as there is an increase of letters and an exclamation mark used.
At the top of page three, Noah is described packing. A fourth character is then introduced - Martin, Noah's son who is thirteen years old. Also, when the same actor uses dialogue again they are directed to do so by the phrase 'CONT'D'. When the scene is filmed outside the actors are made known to this by the shorthand phrase 'EXT.' However, if the scene is placed in an inside setting the shorthand 'INT.' is used.
After researching two TV drama scripts I can improve mine by identifying the location and time of day at the start of the page. I am going to include background detail of my characters which introduces them as well as setting the scene, I am also going to change the layout of my script by placing all dialogue in the center of the page as this was something I noticed while researching.
As well as this, I need to introduce multiple characters and story lines so that the location is able to switch frequently which will ensure the script is realistic.
First Draft Of Script
(The two characters, Grace and James, are sat in Costa after
just finishing college for the day)
Grace: She’s awesome.
(Graces places her phone on the table and turns to face
James, smiling.)
James: You talking to her again? (He becomes frustrated) You
have absolutely no idea who she is, that’s even if she is a she.
Grace: Why do you get so angry about this? She’s the only
person who understands me. Listens to me.
James: So I don’t listen to you? It’s dangerous speaking to someone
online. Anything could happen.
(Graces stands up, swinging her bag around her shoulders and
snatches her phone off the table)
Grace: I’m sick of you getting involved! You don’t know me
like she does, you don’t know what it’s like for me to have to come here –
everyday. It’s like living in hell.
(James faces the floor considering how badly the bullying
is)
Grace: It’s alright for you. You’ve never had to put up with
the things I have.
James: I know you’re having a hard time (pauses) but I don’t
like the sound of this person. MissAnonymous13? You don’t even know if it’s a real
person.
(She moves towards him, sitting down beside James)
Grace: You’re jealous, aren’t you?
James: Jealous?! (He becomes defensive) Jealous of you
speaking to someone online? Erm… no. It’s not like you’ve got many friends to
choose from anyway, I’m doing you a favour…
Grace: Excuse me? (She stands up again)
James: Being friends with you is a nightmare. All you do is
cry and moan and cry again. You never listen to how I feel and I’m sick of
defending you all the time. Run back to your new best friend. (His eyes begin
to fill with tears)
Grace: I can’t believe you.
(Grace storms off, a pained expression stretches across her
face. She walks to the bus stop and begins her journey home. She reaches home
in the next fifteen minutes and rushes to her room. Grace logs onto her laptop
and receives a message from Miss Anonymous13.)
*Typing*
Miss Anonymous13: Hey girl. What’s up?
Grace: Hey. God im so glad to be speaking to you. I've had
the day from hell and my so called ‘best friend’ sees me as some sort of inconvenience.
MissAnonymous13: Who, that looser James?
Grace: *hesitantly* Yes, he’s jealous because I’ve finally
found someone else who I can relate too which isn’t him. He was so cruel to me
and some of the stuff he said – well, I've never seen him like that.
MissAnonymous13: Sounds like you don’t need him, obviously
not the person you thought he was. Anyway, so how are you really?
Grace: Well, same old really. Did I tell you about Leonie and her gang? It’s
just getting worse, everyday it’s something new for them to pick on me for. I can’t
cope with it much longer and now James doesn’t wanna’ know.
MissAnonymous13: Those bitches. Hey, haven’t you ever heard
of the story where this girl is bullied and she takes matters into her own
hands? I read it in a book, watched it in a movie something like that. You like
YouTube right?
Grace: Yeah, guess so.
MissAnonymous13: Great! I have the perfect idea. Only yesterday
you was saying how your number 1 dream is to become an internet sensation, yes?
(Grace is intrigued and leans closer towards her laptop)
MissAnonymous13: Do you know how many subscribers PRANK VS.
PRANK have? Millions! You could do it! Become famous and teach them all a
lesson in the meantime.
Grace: I could do pranks? But I wouldn’t know where to start
– I'm not even funny. You mean things like put gum on their seat?
MissAnonymous13: No looser. That’s amateur. I mean something
insane! Like I was saying before, you have to be smart. Do something they won’t
expect, something nobody will expect.
Grace: Ok, like what?
MissAnonymous13: How about if you was to find out where they
lived?
Grace: How? Even if I did what difference would it make?
MissAnonymous13: You need to go when its dark. Really dark. Take photographs of their houses or even when their walking home. Tell them you're coming for them.
Grace: Are you crazy? They'd kill me. They'd come into college and make things worse than they already are.
MissAnonymous13: No, silly. They wont know its you! All you have to do is create a fake account and post them on there. Call yourself 'prettyyoung13' or something?
Grace: Hmm, I'm not sure.
MissAnonymous13: C'mon it's a great idea. You HAVE too. If you don't do something now it will only get worse, maybe they'll start hurting other people in the same way they hurt you. You don't want that do you?
Grace: How? Even if I did what difference would it make?
MissAnonymous13: You need to go when its dark. Really dark. Take photographs of their houses or even when their walking home. Tell them you're coming for them.
Grace: Are you crazy? They'd kill me. They'd come into college and make things worse than they already are.
MissAnonymous13: No, silly. They wont know its you! All you have to do is create a fake account and post them on there. Call yourself 'prettyyoung13' or something?
Grace: Hmm, I'm not sure.
MissAnonymous13: C'mon it's a great idea. You HAVE too. If you don't do something now it will only get worse, maybe they'll start hurting other people in the same way they hurt you. You don't want that do you?
Report on two TV drama programmes
The first TV series I analysed was Safehouse, Episode 1. This show opened with one male character swimming in a lake with scenes of flashbacks of him and his wife being shot. For the next several minutes no dialogue is used but background music is heard to create mood and introduce the genre. The first character is seen walking towards a house and there is use of non-dietetic sound as a voice is calling 'Katie.' The location changes as the man arrives at a party where he is greeted with his friends who are drinking champagne to celebrate his birthday.
A second character is introduced while driving a car before the scene switches to a family of four walking along a beach. The car then drives past the family. In this location little dialogue is used. The family are introduced by speaking to each other but then the audience notice a sinister character lurking in the background. We know that this man is menacing as his face his blurred to hide his identity. As the man begins to follow the family his reflection is shown in the glass as he is stood waiting.
The scene changes back to the party as the characters sing happy birthday. At around seven minutes into the series one of the character introduces the idea of a Safehouse which will foreshadow the events later on in the story line. The scene with the family is now shown and the man appears behind one of the children and begins to communicate with the young boy - he introduces himself as Micheal. Micheal picks up the young child and runs away with him and the frantic family attempt to chase after him.
The second TV series I analysed was American Horror Story: Season 5, episode 4. The opening sequence is placed in a hotel which we know will be the primary location. The first character enters the door and heads towards reception; a low camera angle is used to represent authority and control. Non-digetic sound is used in the form of background music to introduce the genre of the series. Shortly after, a second character is introduced by also entering through a door. The two characters discuss 'Devils Night' which is the name of this episode. The reception shows the first character to his room before the location changes to him climbing through a window into another room. In this section of the series there is no dialogue but background music to create suspense and tension. A fifth character is introduced, Mr March, after the guests in the hotel are attacked and the woman is screaming for help. At two minutes and forty seconds the opening sequence ends and the audience is introduced to the themes and actors.
Another character is introduced: a man who awakens by the sound of the phone ringing of his daughter who is calling. The camera switches from each character while they are talking. The location has changed again to a different hotel room and Scarletts home. At just after five minutes a female character is introduced attending to the laundry and a flashback is then shown displayed in black and white and the audience learns this was from 1925. In the flashback we can see the same lady from the present scene with her son on the afternoon of Halloween.
After this research I need to create multiple story lines so that more characters and locations are included: this will ensure my TV script is more realistic and professional. I would also like to included sections of the script which contain no dialogue as this is what I have noticed while doing my research and an effective way to create tension and mood.
A second character is introduced while driving a car before the scene switches to a family of four walking along a beach. The car then drives past the family. In this location little dialogue is used. The family are introduced by speaking to each other but then the audience notice a sinister character lurking in the background. We know that this man is menacing as his face his blurred to hide his identity. As the man begins to follow the family his reflection is shown in the glass as he is stood waiting.
The scene changes back to the party as the characters sing happy birthday. At around seven minutes into the series one of the character introduces the idea of a Safehouse which will foreshadow the events later on in the story line. The scene with the family is now shown and the man appears behind one of the children and begins to communicate with the young boy - he introduces himself as Micheal. Micheal picks up the young child and runs away with him and the frantic family attempt to chase after him.
The second TV series I analysed was American Horror Story: Season 5, episode 4. The opening sequence is placed in a hotel which we know will be the primary location. The first character enters the door and heads towards reception; a low camera angle is used to represent authority and control. Non-digetic sound is used in the form of background music to introduce the genre of the series. Shortly after, a second character is introduced by also entering through a door. The two characters discuss 'Devils Night' which is the name of this episode. The reception shows the first character to his room before the location changes to him climbing through a window into another room. In this section of the series there is no dialogue but background music to create suspense and tension. A fifth character is introduced, Mr March, after the guests in the hotel are attacked and the woman is screaming for help. At two minutes and forty seconds the opening sequence ends and the audience is introduced to the themes and actors.
Another character is introduced: a man who awakens by the sound of the phone ringing of his daughter who is calling. The camera switches from each character while they are talking. The location has changed again to a different hotel room and Scarletts home. At just after five minutes a female character is introduced attending to the laundry and a flashback is then shown displayed in black and white and the audience learns this was from 1925. In the flashback we can see the same lady from the present scene with her son on the afternoon of Halloween.
After this research I need to create multiple story lines so that more characters and locations are included: this will ensure my TV script is more realistic and professional. I would also like to included sections of the script which contain no dialogue as this is what I have noticed while doing my research and an effective way to create tension and mood.
Tuesday 3 November 2015
Episode Breakdown
Episode Breakdown
Six part drama series.
Plot: Grace, a seventeen year old college
student, has been a victim of bullying from her classmates throughout her time
at high school and now college. She is isolated and teased by her classmates
and ignored by her family. She feels second best to her older brother who has
recently graduated from university and her nine year old sister. She spends her
spare time watching youtubers’ who perform pranks and have millions of
subscribers. Grace meets someone online using the username 'MissAnonymous13' and confides in her. She wants to impress her and creates her own youtube account to post comical pranks to gain popularity and recognition from people at school and the internet.
When grace firstly starts the channel, she
performs the pranks on people at home such as her younger sister Gabriella.
Somebody at college finds her account and sends the video around to the others
and the bullying worsens as she is humiliated every day. This pushes Grace to
extreme measures to become popular and she begins to make a list of the
students in her college who have constantly victimised her and makes it her
mission to figure out where they live. She begins to stalk them in the evening
and takes pictures of them and posts them on an anonymous website. In the final
episode, Grace attacks one of the female students and stabs them from behind,
recording the footage that she later posts online.
Each episode will have duration of 45
minutes.
Episode one
This episode introduces the main
characters and shows how Graces home life is miserable as her parents favor her
two siblings. Her older brother Matthew has recently graduated from university
after studying a medicine course – he is therefore idolized by his
parents because of his intelligence. Graces younger sister, Gabriella, is also
especially intelligent for her age. The less fortunate middle child
struggles academically and despite her cries for help for being bullied her
parents shun her. Grace is also isolated and bullied by her classmates as she
struggles to fit into social groups. This episode also explores Graces way of
escape – the internet. She uses the internet to watch famous youtubers’ post pranks
that gain millions of likes and subscribers.
Episode two
At the start of this episode, Grace
returns home from college after being teased yet again by her classmates. She
has received numerous comments on her face book pictures calling her vicious
names and text messages from unknown numbers. Upset and angry, Grace rushes to
her room where she continues to watch the youtubers’ videos. Grace comes into contact with someone using the username 'MissAnonymous13' and they begin talking. Grace confides in her and she suddenly realizes that to gain popularity and recognition from the youtubers she must
create her own channel and post videos of homemade pranks. Grace uses
inspiration from her favorite videos and plays them on the people in her
family.
Episode three
After posting a total of six videos on her
channel, Grace is disappointed to discover that she has received no likes or
subscribers. She stumbles into college however to find that Leonie, the ring
leader of the bullies, has discovered her videos and has showed them to the
other students. Instead of finding them amusing, like Grace had hoped, the
teenagers mock and tease her saying she will ‘never be good enough to make a
career on the internet.’ This crushes Graces confidence so she removed all the
videos off her account. She logs onto her laptop to update her online friend who tells her the story that a victim of bulling decided
to post revealing and embarrassing pictures of the bullies onto an anonymous
website to seek revenge. Grace creates a list of seven people that have victimized her and she plans to locate where they live.
Episode 4
Grace informs her parents she is staying
behind late at college for a couple of nights a week to catch up on some work. However,
Grace follows some of the bullies home and takes photographs of their houses
and themselves. She messages each of them individually telling them they have committed
a crime and she is going to punish them. She tells the students personal things
about themselves such as what they were wearing that day or what they were
having for lunch. Grace also claims if they tell anyone about the messages
their most personal secrets will be spread around the college. Each of the
students begin to feel sick with worry not knowing who the stalker is.
Meanwhile, Grace feels satisfied knowing that the bulling has stopped as each
of the girls feel exposed.
Episode 5
Despite the bulling having stopped, Grace
longs for the recognition from the youtubers. She feels that her own home made
pranks simply wont gain the wanted response so she decides to take things
further by pranking her classmates. Grace firstly starts by sticking chewing gum onto the seats where her victims sit. Grace edits photos of the seven people using Photoshop to embarrass them and things gradually escalate as she posts the childish pranks onto the anonymous website. In this episode Grace becomes obsessed with seeking revenge that she texts Leonie, pretending to be someone else, asking her to meet the next day in the woods a short walk from college.
Episode 6
Leonie doesn't suspect anything unusual and agrees to meet up with Niall, her former classmate that left college last year. It reaches seven o'clock and Leonie is recorded waiting around in the woods - by this time it is dark as it is reaching the end of October. Grace is wearing all black and her face is covered with a scarf, she takes out the knife and stabs her victim from behind. Leonie collapses to the floor and Grace is filmed laughing, the footage is later posted online after Grace quickly sprints off leaving Leonie struggling to breathe on the floor.
Episode 6
Leonie doesn't suspect anything unusual and agrees to meet up with Niall, her former classmate that left college last year. It reaches seven o'clock and Leonie is recorded waiting around in the woods - by this time it is dark as it is reaching the end of October. Grace is wearing all black and her face is covered with a scarf, she takes out the knife and stabs her victim from behind. Leonie collapses to the floor and Grace is filmed laughing, the footage is later posted online after Grace quickly sprints off leaving Leonie struggling to breathe on the floor.
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